apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
