I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
