evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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