I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
