She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
