Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dear god my vagina.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
