Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
