It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
