paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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