So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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