dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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