Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
