He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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