no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
