If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
