Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
