i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
