I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
