Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
