WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
