Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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