Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How does it feel to date your dad?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
