and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
