I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
