Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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