I just threw up on my dentist
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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