girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
