I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
