I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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