when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
