If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You are a genius and a whore.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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