Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
