You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
