The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have post one night stand depression
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
