i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
meet me or not, i'm out of control
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
