Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
