If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
