How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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