just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
