today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize