plz talk dirty to me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
