I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
