i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
