you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
