What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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