people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
