it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
