the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
