sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
