Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
