Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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