its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
