I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
