plz talk dirty to me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
