i already hear my dad disowning me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
